Exams and Holiday

During the wait for SPM's result, I ask myself, will there be any other exams that create never ending worry every time I think about it.

The answer is this semester.

Never in my life I have this feeling when answering exam papers. The uneasiness, anxiety & furious-heart-beating moment after the first glance at the questions was simply unbearable.

For SAQ, after reading all the 29 questions, I felt a sudden chill back in my spine and I went blank for quite a while. After realising that panicking will not do any wonders, I just grabbed my pen and scribbling down answers.

For MEQ, the difficulty is pretty much the same, but I have seen SAQ before, thus my mind and soul were adapted to the situation.

For MCQ; well, let just say the if-one-paper-is-hard-the-others-will-be-easy condition was never applied to this semester's exam papers.

Anatomy, the only reason I really looked forward to it is to get everything done and over with. The paper was OK which was quite a nice cherry-on-top thing to ease bit of my tsunami-sed feelings. I have never been soooooooo happy in my life that exams are over.

After anatomy, I went to watch Cars 2 with Yuhin & Syuaib. to unwind the tangled mind.

On that night of the same day, 6 of us Malaysian had a trip to watch Mary Poppins (musical theater) which was AWESOME~!!!

Can't wait for the holiday with my family next month.

cinta?

dalam ribuan malam,

antara jutaan bintang,

kau tetap yang bersinar terang,

yang paling tegar dalam ingatan.

kala siang menjengah,

membawa pergi cahaya mu,

aku tetap menunggu,

untuk malam kembali.

Oh, the northern star of my heart.

Shine forever, please?

For a dirt of the Earth to ask,

My favour is too much, I know.

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ok, too much of these mushy2 posts.

but, writing about them are, in a way, easy to relate to for many of us.

love.

hatred.

satisfaction.

frustration.

life.

death.

they are what we see, experience, observe and do where death will be the finale of the events.

our God-given bodies, soul, minds and hearts are tested in every way and angle be it joy or despair.

human.

the simplest word to sum up all of them.

when I see myself in the mirror, sometimes I ask, "Who are you going to be today?".

Will I smile or frown?

Will I laugh or cry?

Will I be able to breathe until the end of the day?

The never ending questions.

Then I choose to let go off the worry, and be carefree.

But after you observe the love/hatred relationships of others, I choose to worry again.

"Will it be me next?"

I guess I get too worry of something that I should not.

Then I choose I write all the posts as if I am in those positions.

"What happen when I get heartbroken?"

"What happen when love has long begone?"

But there is one thing I seldom ask myself.

"What if I am really in love?"

Fifty people one question.

There are videos on youtube that gather people to ask them one same question.

And this one asked them about what you regret about your life.

Regret.

One word that can make people pause and think for many hours.

Pause to recall all the moments that you can revisit.

Think, what can be done to change that.

I regret of being a coward; not brave enough to take risk.

I regret of being stupid; not seeing the many opportunities lay ahead.

I regret of having many lifeless moment; physically and emotionally.

There are even times I regret of being myself.

But then reality smacked me on the head.

Whatever or whoever I am now, is who I am should be proud of, at least for myself.

But, I shall try to make things I shall not regret later.

(Another) but, I am used to regret things, you see. *cursing myself*

Sampai malas nak berubah. <== haisyh

Sekarang, kembali kepada buku2 tebal dan nota. *sarcastic smile*

dunia

jinakkan hati mu dengan cinta

maniskan dirimu dengan senyuman.

tapi jangan jinak sampai lemah dayus.

tapi jangan manis sampai dijilat lunyai.

dunia itu kejam,

kalau itu yang kau pilih.

.

biarkan?

Si A:

"aku tahu semua itu,

apa itu halal,

apa itu haram,

tapi hati masih belum terima cahaya,

jiwa masih bergolak,

minda masih bercelaru,

nanti2 aku usaha kan"

Si B:

"tolong tiada nanti2,

tiada pasti esok masih muncul buat kita,

tiada tentu kita akan sempat kembali ke pangkal,

mulakan lah langkah pertama,

tetapkan lah langkah2 mu ke jalan satu,

aku kata semua ini pada kamu,

sebab aku kasih akan kamu"

Si A:

"argh!! apa kau tahu pasal aku,

kau dan aku berbeza hidupnya,

aku terumbang ambing di sini,

kau selesa di tempat hidup mu,

aku susah dengan hidup begini,

kamu senang lah nak buat segala yang putih bersih"

Si B:

"susah itu ujian,

senang itu ujian,

aku dulu macam kamu,

penuh kabur dan nafsu,

ku syukur semua itu hanyalah kisah lampau ku,

ku ambil langkah ku dikit2,

pada awalnya aku hendak mengalah,

tetapi syukur ada sahabat yang sudi menghulur tangan,

aku rendahkah ego ku,

ku cuba buka minda ku,

dan kini aku mahu cuba tolong mu,

kerana diri ini pernah seperti kamu"

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mereka yang kau kata sudah terpesong,

sanggup kah kau biarkan mereka tetap terpesong,

kau jauhkan diri kamu dari mereka,

mahu menjaga diri, kononnya,

sedangkan kau malu diri tak mampu,

aku tahu, kerana aku macam kamu~~~

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proses penyelongkaran drafts yang dah berhabuk.

got some/many writings being listed as drafts, maybe because:

1) they are too controversial back then

2) i forget to click "publish post"

now, since i am busy with studying (tergelak sinis kepada diri sendiri), maybe i'll just post these unposted stuffs that were put on hold for too long.

ayway, this stuff above that i wrote,

is not about people I've encountered, but only heard of.

and I found it interesting because:

1)bravery is never my thing especially to really talk about the matter above

2)people tends to label rather understand. *lets judging be only to Him*

3)we tend to try solve the litttle brittle problem, seldom the core. (e.g. an article from saiful islam website)

4)and everything is never a one-day process. it may take months, years or even decades.

anyway, my exam start on 14th june till 23rd june. then, 3 weeks winter holiday. yay

Blue Mountain

On Wednesday,

Nasriq, Lokey & I went to the Blue Mountain for the second time since x buat apa sangat during the first visit.

Specifically, we went to Echo Point and Scenic World.

Bertolak dari Macarthur station menuju ke Katoomba station, a 3ish-hour ride.

Atas train bajet nak baca nota.

Lepas sejam lebih, straight sumbat nota balik dalam beg and enjoy the scenery outside.

Sejam before sampai, makan self-cooked nasi goreng for breakfast.

Then, sampai2 je, had a brief photography at Kingsford Smith Memorial Park's entrance kat atas.

Pastu, beli Subway (the usual one-foot Seafood Sensation) utk bekal lunch nanti.

Tunggu bas 686 kat depan Carlington Hotel.

Dan menuju Echo Point.

Echo Point

Basically, there is a look out for the Three Sisters (three giant rock/hill/wuteva side by side)

And I still wonder why I suddenly like to take pictures of rocks. hurm

Anyway, the highlights of the journey is the Three Sister Walk.

There is a pathways to the Three Sisters' back/side to get a clearer view of the humongous rock.

And to make things more adventurous, we tried the Giant Stairways which is long ride down/up.

There are 800+ steps. Steep and not uniform steps. After only descended 300 steps, I gave up. Nak asthma dada ni. Lepas sampai kat atas, jantung mcm kena sawan, gila laju berdetak. Tengok Nasriq, sama pancit cam aku. tengok Lokman, cool je maintain muka hanya berpeluh tanpa termengah2.

Scenic World

We took a 686 bus again, now to Scenic World.

The main attractions are the cable cars ride and the tour down below after taking the Scenic Railway/ Scenic Cableway.

Kitorang naik Scenic Railway dulu. It is a two way ride with sceneries of the nearby wonders (mountains, waterfall, etc). kat tengah2 ada cermin boleh see through ke bawah.

Pastu turun bawah nak gi pathways guna Scenic Railway. Sampai bawah, pusing2 the pathway & gi tgk waterfall yang more like dribbling rather than 'fall'. Tak hujan sangat kot.

Time the self-tour, kitorang solat and lunch with Subways yang beli before this.

Then balik naik atas guna Scenic Cableway.

Naik bas 696 balik ke bandar.

Sampai sana, pergi balik kat Kingsford Smith Memorial Park.

Ada jumpa taman kat bawah tu.

OMG, lawa.

Selamat Nasriq ngan Lokey paksa turun.

Sejam habis tangkap gambar.

Gambar kat FB Nasriq lagi lah mantap.

Very the picturesque.

Habis dah.

Pastu balik.

*Gila rojak bahasa. =.=

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Have you ever felt that tingling feeling in your heart;

where you want to cry but you can't even shed a tear?

where you want to scream but no voice come out?

Your heart feels empty,

But somehow it is filled with negativity.

Your mind feels like running,

But away from the light, towards nothingness.

You feel anger.

You feel frustrated.

You are unable to decipher your own feeling.

You are unable to understand your own self.

Every kind words from others,

You reply harshly.

Every jokes uttered,

You take it very seriously.

Every cloud passing by,

You can only expect rain to pour down instantly.

Your mouth is sealed.

Your emotions are waiting to erupt...

*I can only ask for your patience. But, I'll never expect you to sustain it that long.

Channel your emotion to me, I'm ready.

Or, if I'm MIA, to God you should talk to. 24/7 wireless service everywhere, anywhere.

of Easter holiday

I'm officially on Easter holiday.

Pejal: Mana buku dan nota2 ni.

*cari2**letak buku & nota atas meja**baca*

Pejal: Haisyh, apa ke benda "calvaria" nih.

*search wikipedia**baca**perasan ada fb notification**stuck with FB for hours*

Pejal: Astaghfirullah.

*geleng2 kepala**baca nota balik*

Pejal: Apa benda lak "branches of trigeminal nerve" ni?

*search wikipedia**dlm hati: ooooo, more notification**

few more hours wasted*

Pejal: Ya Rabbi

*baca nota**menguap**tido*

And this is what we call as holiday's life cycle. Insert solat, eating, personal moments wherever appropriate.

-Yes, I rely on wiki too much. Can't imagine how my sisters studied their stuffs without it

-And yes, I'm easily distracted. *sambil scroll through FB and tumblr*

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Tadi gi Bondi Beach.

Dengan harapan nak tengok sunrise.

Ada la sunrise, tapi tercover dengan bukit.

Must search for sunrise watch place yang kuar dari laut *not 'kuar dari laut' literally*

You know, like this:

http://www.disassociated.com/2009/02/12/photo-sunrise-at-sydneys-coogee-beach/

Must go to coogee beach after this to have a pic of this panorama

*acece pejal, kat malaysia takde la ghairah nak cari sunrise pelbagai*

well, I *we* do tend to appreciate things at other places besides your own.

Lagipun, kat Malaysia, selalunya bangun2, matahari dah nak terbenam.

Camne nk tgk sunrise kan? *pfft*

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And one more thing to do during this holiday.

Easter Show!

Nah~ never been to one before.

Dunno much what to expect.

What I know, they have rides and stuffs.

and also exhibition sepert arnab, kuda dan byk lagi.

and, I really dunno anything else about it.

Need to go to know la kan?

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Saya nak amek hati awak, cantum dengan hati saya.

Tapi itu macam mencuri.

Kalau macam tu,

Biar awak amek hati saya.

Saya rela.

*mushy much? Deal with it. :P