tiada

hati kosong

kau celaru

dunia kosong

.

tapi kau masih mampu terkenang

tapi kau masih mampu meratap

.

Quran di sana;

bukalah

cubalah faham

tapi kau tetap egois dengan Pencipta

dan kau masih berani kata

"tiada tempat aku di dunia,

semua sudah menghilang, tiada"

celaka,

kau yang menghilangkan diri dari semua

hati kau yang tak bersemuka dengan yang Esa

dan kau masih berani salahkan semua?

.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

dah nak dekat dua minggu aku kat Malaysia

several things on the to-do list dah checked;

-food; durian, manggis, dine at Syid Seafood, macaron,

-movies; puss in boots, tin tin, arthur christmas,

-mall; KLCC, OU,

these are only a few of the many on the list.

and byk lagi tempat nk kena pegi for shopping

and owh, i passed 2nd year. despite all the ruffles i went through this year. self-inflicted ruckus

couldn't bring myself to study, distraction, worries. yada2...

certainly a reminder for next year.

dah tak boleh main2 for the clinical years, naya nanti.

and just knew that one of my respected teachers is transferring to another school.

another big loss to my alma mater.

immensely dedicated in everything she does.

*kurang seorang cikgu nak gossip with kalau singgah sekolah =P

-aku banyak belajar dari beliau-

cuti nih, tambah berat badan je la. makan tak bercatu; enjoying the moment.

yada2.

when studying absorbs the soul out of you,

all you can think is, "why am i doing this?"

4 papers je pejal.

bertahan.

i always have good faith on others when it comes to exam, but seldom on myself.

confidence dah terhakis sikit demi sikit.

i'm babbling because i'm worried.

this year hasn't turned out the way i wanted.

many results are below my expectation, even the paper that i was quite confidence of.

i yearn for more.

and i know i can do better.

this is troubling me to the extent that i am doubting myself.

and breaking down 2 days before the first paper is not a good way to go.

anyhow, life must go on.

and these papers must be dealt with.

at least, i got home to look forward to after the exam. :)

-

why do people turn to psychiatrist and counselors (read: strangers) but not those that are close to them?

1) these strangers are experts in their fields

2) they do not want to burden their loved ones with their problems. even the loved ones have their own.

3) telling the loved ones certain things might jeopardise the relationship. the least they want when in a problematic situation is having emotional issue with the loved ones.

i would really love to tell this to those i love, "dude/babe, you are my darling, and accepting you in my life, i'm ready for your best and for your worst. because why darling? i understand how it felt to bottle up those emotions and waiting for them to burst at any moment"

pfft, as if telling those as easy as they seem .....

this post is rather emotionally draining.

-

dalam dunia kita, kita bermaharajalela

di luar, kita ditindas.

dan kita terus biar diri kita ditindas.

takut.

tiada keyakinan.

kurang kemahiran.

kerana kita masih dalam takuk minda lama.

sadly, these are also how i describe myself.

Exams and Holiday

During the wait for SPM's result, I ask myself, will there be any other exams that create never ending worry every time I think about it.

The answer is this semester.

Never in my life I have this feeling when answering exam papers. The uneasiness, anxiety & furious-heart-beating moment after the first glance at the questions was simply unbearable.

For SAQ, after reading all the 29 questions, I felt a sudden chill back in my spine and I went blank for quite a while. After realising that panicking will not do any wonders, I just grabbed my pen and scribbling down answers.

For MEQ, the difficulty is pretty much the same, but I have seen SAQ before, thus my mind and soul were adapted to the situation.

For MCQ; well, let just say the if-one-paper-is-hard-the-others-will-be-easy condition was never applied to this semester's exam papers.

Anatomy, the only reason I really looked forward to it is to get everything done and over with. The paper was OK which was quite a nice cherry-on-top thing to ease bit of my tsunami-sed feelings. I have never been soooooooo happy in my life that exams are over.

After anatomy, I went to watch Cars 2 with Yuhin & Syuaib. to unwind the tangled mind.

On that night of the same day, 6 of us Malaysian had a trip to watch Mary Poppins (musical theater) which was AWESOME~!!!

Can't wait for the holiday with my family next month.

cinta?

dalam ribuan malam,

antara jutaan bintang,

kau tetap yang bersinar terang,

yang paling tegar dalam ingatan.

kala siang menjengah,

membawa pergi cahaya mu,

aku tetap menunggu,

untuk malam kembali.

Oh, the northern star of my heart.

Shine forever, please?

For a dirt of the Earth to ask,

My favour is too much, I know.

----------------------------------------------------

ok, too much of these mushy2 posts.

but, writing about them are, in a way, easy to relate to for many of us.

love.

hatred.

satisfaction.

frustration.

life.

death.

they are what we see, experience, observe and do where death will be the finale of the events.

our God-given bodies, soul, minds and hearts are tested in every way and angle be it joy or despair.

human.

the simplest word to sum up all of them.

when I see myself in the mirror, sometimes I ask, "Who are you going to be today?".

Will I smile or frown?

Will I laugh or cry?

Will I be able to breathe until the end of the day?

The never ending questions.

Then I choose to let go off the worry, and be carefree.

But after you observe the love/hatred relationships of others, I choose to worry again.

"Will it be me next?"

I guess I get too worry of something that I should not.

Then I choose I write all the posts as if I am in those positions.

"What happen when I get heartbroken?"

"What happen when love has long begone?"

But there is one thing I seldom ask myself.

"What if I am really in love?"

Fifty people one question.

There are videos on youtube that gather people to ask them one same question.

And this one asked them about what you regret about your life.

Regret.

One word that can make people pause and think for many hours.

Pause to recall all the moments that you can revisit.

Think, what can be done to change that.

I regret of being a coward; not brave enough to take risk.

I regret of being stupid; not seeing the many opportunities lay ahead.

I regret of having many lifeless moment; physically and emotionally.

There are even times I regret of being myself.

But then reality smacked me on the head.

Whatever or whoever I am now, is who I am should be proud of, at least for myself.

But, I shall try to make things I shall not regret later.

(Another) but, I am used to regret things, you see. *cursing myself*

Sampai malas nak berubah. <== haisyh

Sekarang, kembali kepada buku2 tebal dan nota. *sarcastic smile*